Untitled

I always think artists love to name their work "untitled" because they don't want to frame creativity. I am naming this blog post "untitled" because I am blank.

For those who realized I have been traveling to Beijing recently, it was because my dear grandma was seriously ill. Wednesday night, she passed away. My mom told me the news the next morning when I was in the office. She cried so hard that I could barely understand what she said. But I was surprisingly calm. I still managed to work, to have lunch with my colleague and to joke around. I only started to cry when I finally sat down at home and realized what went missing in my life. I was planning to go to Beijing again this Aug and Oct.

I don't need to go there anymore.

Recently, every aspect in my life hit rock bottom. Love, family, work... you name it. Problems were thrown at me one tougher than the other. I feel I was bobbing in the middle of the lonely ocean and I struggled to keep my head above the water. I wish someone could throw me a life buoy but there was no one around. I was frustrated. I used to be loved so dearly. Now everybody seems to be leaving me. I know it can be just a reflection of the pain in my heart right now. But I just can't help feeling this way.

I guess it's not fair to say that life is a lonely journey. But growing up certainly is. I shouldn't count on anyone to save me. It's time for me to learn how to swim. My grandma has been cheerful till her very last moment. She reminded me no one can bring you down except yourself. I am glad that I have her in my heart so I can always have someone to look up to.

My guardian angel, rest in peace.