Proust and the Proust questionnaire

Even my dearest friend who studied literature thinks Proust's text can be quite painful to swallow, it might be hard to imagine someone who was trained to be an engineer loves Proust. Yes I do. But his work is not meant to be swallowed. It has to be chewed, carefully, thoughtfully, until it resonates with your mind, perfectly aligns with your feelings, and you will understand why he is one of the most sophisticated writers in human history.

Still in his teens, his friend asked him to answer a series of questions about life, feelings and aspirations. These questions were very difficult to answer even for adults. But our dear Proust, not surprisingly, nailed it. If you are interested to know Proust's answers, read here. Since he was so famous, the questionnaire was then named after him.

Here is my take. I had fun thinking through each of these questions. I strongly recommend you to try them too! Enjoy! :)


1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

I don't think perfect happiness really exists. But the illusion of perfect happiness can exist retrospectively in a form of consciously or unconsciously manipulated memory. And people are happy only when they have the desire to be happy.

2. What is your most marked characteristic?

Contradiction: Simple and complicated. Artsy and scientific. Passionate and cold. Timid and adventurous. Everything comes in pairs.

3. What is your greatest fear?

Not being loved.

4. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

I can only think of Yves Saint Laurent.

5. Which living person do you most admire?

I thought there would be many. But in the end I can only think of my mom.

6. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

I can't force myself to do the things I don't like or stop doing the things I like.

7. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Dishonesty.

8. What is your greatest extravagance?

To have an unlimited amount of time to do only the things I love.

9. What is your current state of mind?

Slightly upset because Q8 seems to be unachievable.

10. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Courage. I consider it a necessity instead of a virtue.

11. On what occasion do you lie?

Either to someone so important that I can't afford to upset, but not important enough to sacrifice my happiness. Or to others who are too unimportant to feel guilty.

12. What do you most dislike about your appearance?

It depends. Sometimes nothing. Sometimes everything.

13.  Which living person do you most despise?

Those who pretend they like you more than they really do, to get the attention more than they really deserve.

14. What is the quality you most like in a man?

Elegance.

15. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Elegance, too.

16. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

"I don't care!"

17. What or who is your greatest love of your life?

Myself and this is very sad.

18. Which talent would you most like to have?

To love everything I think I love truly, deeply, madly.

19. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

To live my childhood again with my current mentality.

20. What do you consider as your greatest achievement?

I make a few people happy simply because I exist.

21. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

Myself as a man but with the memory of being a woman.

22. Where would you like to live?

Paris. Anywhere with someone loves me I love.

23. What is your most treasured possession?

My boundless curiosity.

24. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Living under the fear of a miserable future.
Wake up from a dream where you see the one you love who is lost forever in real life.

25. What is your favourite occupation?

To lose track of time in art of all forms. Writings, paintings, music, nature, love.

26. What do you most value in your friends?

Communication through the brain to share the thoughts and feelings. Not through non-sense or emoji.

27. Who are your favourite writers?

Oscar Wilde. Marcel Proust, Franz Kafka, Milan Kundera. And the painters who put their creative mind into words, most notably Vincent Van Gogh.

28. Who is your hero of fiction.

If life is considered a work of fiction, then Yves Saint Laurent.

29. Who is your favourite artist?

Renaissance artists: Michelangelo, Raphael. Portrait painters: Velasquez, Rembrandt. Tortured masters: Goya, Van Gogh

30. Who is your favourite musician?

Chopin.

31. Who are your heroes in real life?

My future husband.

32. What is it that you most dislike?

Losing control of my time for someone/something that doesn't worth my time.

33. What is your greatest regret?

I have lost the feeling of being a child as I grow up.

34. How would you like to die?

Right after my own funeral. So that I know how I would be remembered.

35. What is your motto?

"Life is too important to be taken seriously"  - Oscar Wilde

Letter from an unknown wo(man)

No I am not in love. Not yet. But a pleasant surprise allowed me to gain a glimpse of it, through the keyhole of the door of love, which is, however, still firmly shut.

I don't know how this dear friend of mine can always find the right thing for me at the right time. He recommended me to read a book called "Letter from an unknown woman" by Stefan Zweig written in 1922 (!) [ This is the book I got ]. It was about a desperate woman who finally found the courage to write a letter to a man whom she loved obsessively right before she took her last breath. She spent her entire life spinning around the man who couldn't even recognize her. A very sad story. You can feel her flaming love through the words, so powerful that it can almost burn you.

I see a little bit of myself in the man, a little bit of myself in the woman. I am spoiled. Spoiled rotten by my parents and a special friend who will be eager to read this post the moment I press "Publish". They are the people who are willing to hear what I am going to say, who care to know what I think of them, but will nevertheless love me all the same.

I feel blessed to be spoiled. But it's a happy sad thing. I am so eager to know what does it feel like to love someone unconditionally. I need a burning passion, not only towards art, towards adventures, but also towards other people, till then my life is complete.

May be I still haven't met the right person, or I still haven't learned how to let my emotions flow. But no I am not cold-hearted. I am sensitive. I am delicate. I know it's all inside me. All I need is a key, or someone who's kind enough to answer the door.

Knock, Knock. Please, let me in.

Je suis Charlie. Nous sommes Charlie.

Sorry if it's a little too scary. But it was indeed scary.

The victims are now forever separated from their families. What have they done wrong? What harm did they do?

I am Charlie. We all are Charlie. We say what we have to say.

My heart is with Paris, my favourite city in the world.

GET OUT OF MY WAY!! AM001!!

Feel pissed/ upset for some reason. But negative energy is energy too, so I am going to put it into better use.

From now on, whenever I feel bad I will draw a little monster and post it here. Let's see how many we'll get by the end of this year.....lol

Let's call him...hmm....AM001 (a.k.a. Anger Monster 001). Yes I know, the name is really creative.

And yes it sounds lame. Don't judge me. Never mess with an angry woman  :-<

About love

Saw a quote in the morning. I love it soooooooo much I can't help sharing it everywhere I can.

If this quote gives you chills and you understand exactly what it means, you're lucky. Love is around you.

If this quote reminds you of the people who love you, you are blessed. You know you have angels in your life.

If this quote reminds you of someone you love, congratulations, you're the angel. The world is beautiful because of you.

I hope these thoughts resonate with you, dear friends. Embrace your angels, treasure them, and be an angel yourself.

XOXO

You are a badass

Despite I am trying to keep this blog semi-private, I am surprised to find out there are quite a number of friends who keep coming back checking for updates. I am so blessed to be surrounded by loving people like you. I know I am not alone.

I am thankful to have all of you in my life. Your support, your messages warmed my heart and made me feel strong again.

I am sorry if my last blog post get you worried about me. I am doing fine, actually more than fine. Of course I had my fair share of sadness, depression, and confusion. But I managed to feel happy again. I have recently got myself a book named "You're a badass" by Jen Sincero, and this book is a life-saver.

It is not like any typical self-help book that tells you how to feel better about life. This book instantly makes you feel better while you are reading it. Jen talks directly to you like an old friend. She knows your insecurities, and she knows exactly how to fix it. I am recommending this book to all of you. Whether or not you're recently facing hardships in life, this will help you be a better person and lead a better life. I might write a detailed book review later and share with you some tips that I found most useful.

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I have been reading quite a number of interesting books in the recent months. It may be a good idea to write some book reviews, as to share the love (and knowledge).

Goodnight, dear friends. Stay happy.

XOXO

Untitled

I always think artists love to name their work "untitled" because they don't want to frame creativity. I am naming this blog post "untitled" because I am blank.

For those who realized I have been traveling to Beijing recently, it was because my dear grandma was seriously ill. Wednesday night, she passed away. My mom told me the news the next morning when I was in the office. She cried so hard that I could barely understand what she said. But I was surprisingly calm. I still managed to work, to have lunch with my colleague and to joke around. I only started to cry when I finally sat down at home and realized what went missing in my life. I was planning to go to Beijing again this Aug and Oct.

I don't need to go there anymore.

Recently, every aspect in my life hit rock bottom. Love, family, work... you name it. Problems were thrown at me one tougher than the other. I feel I was bobbing in the middle of the lonely ocean and I struggled to keep my head above the water. I wish someone could throw me a life buoy but there was no one around. I was frustrated. I used to be loved so dearly. Now everybody seems to be leaving me. I know it can be just a reflection of the pain in my heart right now. But I just can't help feeling this way.

I guess it's not fair to say that life is a lonely journey. But growing up certainly is. I shouldn't count on anyone to save me. It's time for me to learn how to swim. My grandma has been cheerful till her very last moment. She reminded me no one can bring you down except yourself. I am glad that I have her in my heart so I can always have someone to look up to.

My guardian angel, rest in peace.